Thursday, December 22, 2005
A very sensitive entry.

OK, I've been alive for more than seventeen years now. I'm not gonna say that my entire life is one filled with goodness.  But whatever it is, I was brought up the way I am. I can weigh whats right and whats wrong. Obviously I know that I'm not a very religious person, and yes, I'm as sinful as anyone of you out there. Nobody can run away from sins. Yes, I'm trying to find who I am and what I'm supposed to become. Yes, I'm a confused person who is still unsure about the significant of life, or perhaps, not cleverly prioritise the importance of life that well.

GOD. Yes, I believe in God. Just because I don't talk about the Almighty as much doesn't mean I totally forget Him, or am I ignorant of his existence. I know what I portray in my blog seems like I don't give a damn. And yes, being materialistic is not that good in a sense that you tend to want to possess all the earthly wonders and stuffs. But to think about it, we are exposed to such a material world. And as much as I am deluded and trapped in this material world, I am grateful. I know that I can act all ungrateful and spoilt, but at least I try my best to give back something out of my life. And give me a break cos I'm really trying. Don't think you know the real me merely by reading these redundant pages.

Blogging for the last three years had been fun, but obviously, consequences come with it. Ridiculous comments and all that. Nobody should claim that MY impression of God is a joke. Nobody should accuse me being wayy out of control. Even if I choose to be sinful, it's between me and God. He is forgiving, and I'm trying to repent. When people cannot accept the way you are, then they are in the wrong too. Why can't humans, as humble servants, be the same? As far as I know, there are many out there who are worse off than me. Many who acts all nice, demure, modest and religious in front of everyone else, but behind that mask, it's a different story altogether. Yes, I know that I'm unholy. I realised the problems within me, and I'm trying to change.

It's all in the heart. It's all about your intentions. No use covering up without any sincere intentions. I realised people are walking ironies. They say things but they do the other. They say they believe but their beliefs may sidetrack from what is actually true. You believe in God and Life, and yet at the same time you believe in suicide. So God give you life to make you feel miserable and have the desire to end it, instead of making the best out of it? Might as well slit your wrist since it's alright to harm yourself so that you can go to heaven faster? Yes, it's a very holy thing to do.

Someone told me that people will get lost at one point of time in their life. To search for their identity. If they were never lost, then something must be wrong because everyone has to search and find the real self.

Thanks to everyone who tried to helped and/or has helped.

I will wake up, and you should too.

Oh by the way, don't mind my bad manners. HELLO there, I'm still a virgin.






Posted at 07:19 am by Widee
Comments (10)  


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